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Teaching day today

(The one person down/other person halfway up trance experience doesn’t mean the halfway up person does not go to, but it is more of along for the ride and as an observer and guide for glitches, bumps, prompts to speak, etc.)

The trance landed me in a place I had gone as part of a group of 3 in the Iron Pentacle workshop. The path I walked on to get there was different, but ended in the same spot. The trees, the large boulder at the end of the pathway, and the old Chinese man standing there. Who is the guy Pandora said was me, which still hits me wrong, but I don’t know if it *is* wrong or merely my resistance to the idea. (Take the “I’m an old chinese guy?” out of the equation and the resistance may simply be not believing I can learn anything *really* useful only from “myself” and yes, I get irony of that sentiment.)

cut for length

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*bounce bounce bounce*

Today was a teaching day! I was the student! Today was learning the beginning of yet another trance skill. First there was much talking ~ and I mean MUCH as I puzzled out not so much what the hell has been changing in me, but what I want to do with my life/self/practices because of these changes. It was needed and wonderful and frustrating all at once. I am reluctant to give up some things and will see if I can find a way to integrate them in a different way or find another usefulness to them before I push them away completely. Time and growth will sort it out for me.

We did a one-on-one directed trance which was pretty amazing. I went down all the way, she stayed halfway up, so I could go a lot deeper than when we go down as two or more. It was hard at first to talk while down (this has happened before) because part of me wants to just be silent and experience, but — once I started I was fairly able to keep the level down, but the speaking ability coherent. It was a very good experience. The one person I met on the way was the same as another time and we I returned and passed him again she said, "You know that is you, right?" And I said, "Yes" even though no, I had thought it must have been her so there is that and I’m not really certain yet I believe it is me.

And next time *I* get to stay halfway up and she goes down – so w00t!

And this week I also got to attempt to explain the Black Heart of Innocence to a non-Pagan via text which was an interesting exercise. Luckily the woman I was explaining it to is very bright and possesses some understanding of grounding and centering, and she is practiced at meditation which made some of the vocabulary much easier because I didn’t have to try to find other words for what I wanted to say.

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Color weeks – Black

Black is fresh and new. It is warm in a comfort way as brown is, but not quite as personable. Versatile, good at hiding things, and the usual mysterious yet providing clarity in an inside out way. Black was good ….. 🙂

Final week is green – with the unusually warm weather we’ve been having I hope to see some evidence of this color in the trees!

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Waning moon rite

Was … interesting. Pathworking was going to meet the Valkyries. Not quite ready for heavy duty "meeting", but was informative nonetheless with bits of unsettling thrown in for good measure. Releasing rite of things no longer wanted in me/my life any longer. <—– typical write down and burn bits of paper. Always satisfying to watch things burn to ash. 😉

Note for next one: need better music onhand prior to start. :P~

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Color weeks – Orange – to Yellow – to Blue

So … orange and I were better friends than I thought. How out of it does one have to be to forget THREE walls of a room are a light pumpkin in one’s house? PHOTO The room had been refilled with boxes and bags and such as sorting, sifting, and storing continued. I cleaned it up again and said, "Duh." So, orange demanded another half week just to show me how narrow my vision had become. :P~

Yellow was next. Awesome sunshine! Bright, happy, lovely, inspiring yellow. I ♥ it! Always have and always will. Yellow is energy, but calm, focused, joyous energy. Yellow feels like summer to me.

I was thinking black would be next, with the dark moon upcoming and all, but blue demanded this week. ~sigh~ I wanted to end on blue as it is one the most intense for me. So far blue reads the same to me – relaxing, cleansing, heightened psychic awareness, water and ocean and *life*. We’ll see if it stays that way.

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My Job

It’s funny sometimes how the most innocent looking exchanges trigger the most amazing realizations. A stranger (to me) on Facebook posted to a friend’s status bitching: "I really hate it when someone tries to find an upside to lousy things" which was my post he was referring to in the string, because you know – I am the eternal optimist.

Anyone who knows me at all knows I am the Upsider. You have a shitty day, I give you pets. I usually crack a joke, too. If after the joke you continue to wallow, I go for the upside. Now, I don’t do this when someone totals their car, or receives a horrid medical diagnosis, loses a job or loved one. I am not an ass. I will do it for little things. I will do it for chronic situations that are changeable, among other things.

I have been this way always. I used to think I was the Peacekeeper because of the role I played in my family of origin and then later in my chosen family. And I am that, but it is based on my Upsider "flaw". At least, I thought it was a flaw. I’ve tried to change it and squelch it for decades. *stomp stomp stompity stomp on it* It just never would die.

I know it annoys people. Not all people all the time, but everybody at some point in time. I would feel badly about it, yet I could never stop the absolute certainty that something good, something better, was right around the corner. Not just for me, but for others too.

The little exchange on Facebook caused me think about my overly optimistic perspective again. I don’t care that the anonymous whozeewhat in the thread string is annoyed. I don’t know him, I don’t care about him. He can allow himself to dissolve in a putrid puddle of self-pity and its no skin off of my nose. Other people, it matters. And I finally knew why.

The fighting of this thing in me is not only a waste of time and futile, fighting it is the Wrong Thing To Do™. The Upsider is who I am. It is apparently, my Job. Not my "job" I choose for my paycheck, but my Job as assigned by the Universe. It is me, it is my Reason for being. Always has been, always will be, through the lifetimes. My verbal abilities, my workings, my healing energy, my love, my interactions, my teachings, my survivor ability, all come from a core of this.

You know that nagging question, "Who am I and why am I here?" I have my answer. I am the Upsider. I am here to annoy embolden people with hope. I’ll still annoy people here and there. They’ll still wish I’d just STFU sometimes, but that’s okay. I can live with that because I have my answer to that question and it is not only "okay", it is a relief.

Onward!

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So, just so you all can poke me if I get slow

or procrastinate … *cough*. As of yesterday I started my year of study/training with Pandora in the Reclaiming/Feri tradition. Firstly is studying a bunch of Goddesses since I don’t know much of them and really choosing someone to work with other than Yemaya or whomever the star Goddess is on my wall? Not happening. Oh, I suppose I could make it happen. I’ve had some inklings in the past that never went further than "Her" which I associated with …. the One on my wall. :P~

Anyhoo – each Sabbat brings research into certain Goddesses and a rite for each Sabbat. And each of the moon phases (though not all of them in every month) from waxing to full to waning to dark to new and associated Goddesses.

And a daily practice – I mean a for real one as opposed to do it for a number of weeks, slack off, do it for awhile, slack again, which is my custom.

And …. what else …. read the two other Feri books I have and read the Interior Castle by St. Teresa.

So, busy year. And the Full Moon is right around the corner.

I’ll take transformation for $2000, Alex. 😉

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Color weeks – Orange – Life is Funny

So last week was orange. I know my focus was way off with turmoil in the family, but I didn’t think too much of it since orange and I are pretty neutral. It’s ok, not great. Orange candles are for change, but I think of justice for their use. Oranges smell nice, but seem too much work for the eating result. Which is funny since I don’t think pomegranates are. But I wasn’t seeing orange around as the week went on by. I tried to move to yellow this week – which I adore – and that wasn’t happening, either. So today I was talking about my lack of success with orange, thinking I may have to revisit it.

I’m on my way to work this afternoon and orange. is. everywhere. Ridiculous. Most of it was there last week, too, and somehow escaped my notice. School buses and double lines on the roadway. Little pipe things owned by utilities sticking up out of yards. The casings around traffic lights for crying out loud. Everywhere. And I knew orange was laughing at me. :P~

So, orange wins for the rest of the week. Making it a week and a half. Greedy orange.

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Color weeks – Brown then white – Yes, I’m behind in posting

Brown was lovely through and through. Firm yet soft, warm and oh so comfortable. It was hearth and home and comfy. It was chocolate! And rugs and coats and boots and blankets. Did I mention it was warm and comfortable? It was all things contented wrapped up snug and safe.

Then came harsh, cold, clean, pure, wonderful white. Such a contrast to brown, yet I feel fresh and new in white. Snow snow we had feet of snow! But soft clouds and socks and white shirts made up for cold cold cold snow! White is fog. I love fog (though you can keep the freezing fog!) And white candles are blessing candles, so  … white is good. 🙂

This week is orange. No idea why. We shall find out, yes? ðŸ˜‰

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Color weeks – Red was … different

The week started with passionate fury that was tamped down fairly quickly by action. That working is on hold while I await some herbs that there were not subs for. Then it moved to passionate creativity and that is when I decided I would work on opening an Etsy shop. It will take me a bit longer than some of my friends’ shops did because I don’t even have any copy written. I was always in person for explaining the workings. The part I *love* in what I do is putting together custom workings for folks so we’ll see how that part takes off. I hope to eventually be able to quit my part-time job so I am only doing what I love. <—– see the goal? It is a good goal.

It was also a week of high emotion. No watery blue emotion. Nope. Deep passionate emotions. Exhausting. Was avoiding red by Friday. lololol

And red was power. Not only my power, but everyone’s and the Universe’s power. Consuming power is a good phrase for it.

So I thought I would move on to blue. Seemed a good idea after red. However during the journey at Imbolc that changed. We did a journey to meet with our animal spirit guide. It’s been quite a long time since I did that, but when I emerged into the lower world it looked exactly as it did the last time. For me it is all very light blues ~~ very very light blues, with some grays a bit of black. It is a cave, with a light blue pond, some banks around the pond, some stalactites and stalagmites.

No spirit animal guide for me this time, but a person. And the color immediately went to red when she showed up. The water, the air, the rock formations, dripping flowing red, but light enough to see through. Blood red. The blood of life. And then it switched to brown and she told me that was the next color. "Told" is the wrong word, but information was exchanged. So. There ya go. This week’s color is brown.

Brown is stability and strength and warm and soft. We’ll see how this one goes by the end of the week. 😉

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