It’s pretty simple this year – to be Her well.

And by simple I mean short in words, long in doing. The Well of Brigid is prayers, healing, and connecting to Otherworlds. What I receive I shall pass on. Flowing through, not damming it up or letting it run willy nilly with no boundaries. Take it in, take its shape, and gently release it forward.

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“The Art and Adventure of Beekeeping” by Ormond and Harry Aebi.

I will not be a beekeeper. That is not the purpose. The purpose is to not shudder at the mention of bees. I am allergic. Absolutely to yellow jackets which are actually wasps. Possibly to honeybees, but I do not have that as clear as I do the yellow jackets. The phrasing was always shortened to “allergic to bee stings” and if my mum were alive I do not know that even she knows if honeybees are part of the allergy. But the Fear of the Sting remains. I can kill wasps and have only a smidgen of guilt. That is not true of any other insect. Mostly I don’t kill insects. I tell where they can live and I take them there. Often that is outside. Even the annoying stinkbugs who death traps people describe in gleeful tones I capture and set outside. The wasps I kill. I do still apologize to the things before I kill them like I do to any insect I make die. I just don’t feel the same amount of angst over their death.

The book. The cover is a photo of a group of bees on a hive. An enlarged photo. Ack! So, I’ve learned thoroughly the negative side of bees and wasps. I need to learn their positive side. A more balanced view. Bee energy. The Bee. It is important.

~shudder~

What the hell was I thinking – a body allergic to bees? Insanity.

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 (Merely sporting the death warmed over look that MontiLee so adores painting her characters in. Online long enough to post this, then I’ll not be posting again until I’m a bit better. Hope all is well with all of you and if I’ve missed important news you’d like me to know please post it to me or point me to it and I’ll respond.)

What’s a severe lung infection with a really bad attitude? Most call it pneumonia. By the hard ache in the lower half of my lungs and the bone crushing fatigue accompanying it I’d say that’s what I had. As I didn’t seek an official diagnosis we’ll call it the worst lung infection I’ve ever had. I’ll leave out the lovely details. You’re welcome. T’would have been a benefit to have keyed in on the fact that the symptoms my body were exhibiting were illness before the end of the 3rd day – might have had a lesser run of it – but that was not the case.

I’ve treated my lung infections at home for so long I can’t remember when I started. They became yearly visitors when I was a smoker. On occasion I’d visit the doc for antibiotics if it wouldn’t clear up with my treatments, but even back in my smoking days I could rid it rather quickly. In those days the cough hung on regardless of antibiotic usage.Then I stopped getting them when I (mostly) stopped smoking. I thought that was fair – it was after all one of the big reasons I quit. I didn’t restart smoking this year, not when FIL died and not through the craziness of the wedding, and yet here it came. Bloody hell! Stupid opportunistic germs. Some sort of payback with my lungs thumbing its nose (um, just go with that) at me in residual punishment for the years of coating its perfect pink insides with tar, I imagine. I hope I’ve done my time now because this sucked rather a lot.

I can tell you that 3 gallons of Gatorade and your own bed is far preferable to an IV and a hospital bed having done that route a long time ago. If you have chronic lung issues, are infirm, very young or elderly then I don’t recommend skipping the "going to your doctor" part, but for me – skip skip skip! There are limited antibiotics I can take and I’d rather save them for when they must be used to actually save me, as opposed to convenience. Plus I was far too weak to drive. That I managed the short drive home Sunday night from work can only be attributed to Divine intervention.

So, that’s where I’ve been mostly. First working while unknowingly ill, then a shift while knowingly ill, but no way out of it, then recovering. The kids were on alert if needed for transport for medical help and after the second day of "not able to leave the bed for more than 10 minutes" and getting all hurty from lying about I decided if the fevers came back or the lungs chunked up again I’d go be seen. Neither of those things occurred and I am upright today and was for a decent slot of time yesterday. My strength is 50% back and my lungs if not completely clear will be in a few days.

BagelDog guarded me the entire time, bless her wee Yorkie heart. Even ForestCat came and hung out keeping an eye on me. Tonight I may move back from the guest room to my more comfy bed. We’ll see how I feel tonight. I think I need to up the health ante of my lifestyle to avoid future happenings of this nature. I’ll be needing to stay healthy seeing as how a new family member will be arriving this year. Recently wed OlderBoy apparently consummated the marriage thoroughly as he and GeckoGirl have conspired to create a pregnancy. I’m pulling for a girl. GeckoGirl would rather birth an elephant and prefers a boy. A new baby in the family! A new soul to corrupt! Whhheeeee!!!!! *happy dance*  [new pregnancy ended abruptly as they often do]

P.S. The damn house fairies took a vacation while I was sick, too. The place needs cleaned and the damned Yule tree and decorations are still up!

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 I was going to do a 2011 recap and plot for 2012, but I keep writing parts of it in my head and then I write something else, and then …. blerg.

So, bullet points – yay!

2011

• big changes, small changes, lots of changes
• no matter how I try to Be Done, childhood sexual abuse follows me everywhere, so I’ll just put on my big girl panties and continue to blog about it and reach out to those who need to hear what I’ve got to say, and Damnit – heal some more.
• I became perfectly fine with the knowledge that not only will there always be broken parts of me, but that some people will remain upset that I am okay with it
• religious pathworking took a hard turn and now we’ve hit some new trails. Excellent stuff.
• Undoing the survival mechanisms of my youth is an ongoing process, to the grave I am told. Um – yay?
• The undoing of the above has changed me and as I shift, so does everyone around me, as they must. Many good things have occurred, some losses have occurred. Happy and sad and yet I would not undo it as I’ve stopped living for other people and their expectations and am simply living as me, for me. This has taken some getting used to for others, but they’ve had time as this change started in October of 2010. :P~
• the house remains a challenge, but progress is being made
• OlderBoy got married and it was awesome!

2012

• Reclaiming/Feri classes start this month, a new adventure for Lora and I with good things on the horizon
• Next step on my Path is coming, a culmination rather than a beginning and I am so ready for the energy exchange; I know the void it will be filling and I can almost feel the changes it will wreak. 
• Art!! It is to be the year of Art! Which will become the life of art. *smile*
• Diana’s Grove coursework 2012; laying the groundwork perhaps for a future endeavor.
• Coven continues with Blessings that ripple outward and I can see flirt up and down other people, even people I never see
• More this year of connecting, to all that which is Seen and Unseen, in this world and the Other
• Mundane matters: continue the self-care work of last year, except doing it better than last year; continuing the lightening of this house’s ridiculous amassed load of *crap*
• ~insert typical health, exercise, etc. resolutions that I’ll never even start and not feel one whit guilty about~

It’s been since February, I still miss my FIL. I still forget that I’m not going to see him and I think of something and *poof* there’s the hole with the remembrance. Some aspects to this whole birth/death/rebirth thing are pretty lame.

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