The shaking down of my life and relationships is so hard from doing this work. It's not that I ever thought it would be easy and Gods know I likely would have rejected it had it been, right or wrong as that may be. At points of the shakedown like what has occurred recently I find I can do nothing but flail and weep.

Much as I can know in my marrow how right for me this work is I miss the blind ignorance of my old behaviours. I miss the comfort of the old habits, counterproductive as they had become. And exactly because of how I have shifted I know I can never have them again – I am too fucking Aware. I can never again wrap myself in the worn comfortable blankets they were.

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