Leave a comment

When it hurts so much and you cannot stop it

 The shaking down of my life and relationships is so hard from doing this work. It's not that I ever thought it would be easy and Gods know I likely would have rejected it had it been, right or wrong as that may be. At points of the shakedown like what has occurred recently I find I can do nothing but flail and weep.

Much as I can know in my marrow how right for me this work is I miss the blind ignorance of my old behaviours. I miss the comfort of the old habits, counterproductive as they had become. And exactly because of how I have shifted I know I can never have them again – I am too fucking Aware. I can never again wrap myself in the worn comfortable blankets they were.

Some times this is absolutely terrifying. Like today.

This entry was originally posted at http://pj.dreamwidth.org/334661.html. Please comment here or there there using your LJ ID or OpenID.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: