There are Two Things that are remnants from the childhood sexual abuse that are apparently never going to go away. Part of my current Work will be to find a way to accept them and live with them rather than be in constant battle with them that leaves me exhausted and unchanged. That will be a Good Thing one would suppose, though I have my doubts.
However, that post will have to wait because it is still fermenting in the back of my mind and wishes not to be written just yet. Some other interesting things have come up in the meantime. One is that those who know virtually no details of the abuse have often read my last couple of months of posts with confusion unless they’ve experienced similar. Or they start to read and think, "OMGS! More of that Witchy woo-woo religious stuff I do not understand!" ~scroll~
Some of that is I tried to speak to issues that our society has not given me proper words for and really has no desire to supply the words and easily understandable phrases to describe. Things that are hard to talk about are purposely made so by the overarching influence of "how our society is" and "how our society speaks". This was clearly brought to my attention by a post by Elf about ebooks. Odd, but true.
Part of that was a reticence about details so my story would not interfere with a reader’s ability to identify with the emotional side if they needed to. Part of it was privacy issues. And finally, I was chronicling things as they occurred and the order in which they occurred was not chronological to how the incidents happened in my childhood years.
The two people who’ve most closely traveled through this past dark part of the year with me (covenmates) and witnessed my Shadow Work (as I have witnessed theirs) most likely understood my posts the best. Other readers had a far range in understanding from "most" to "very little" to "WTF?!" This was brought to my attention when I sat with my daughter the other night and we began discussing these things and she (whom I thought would be in the "most" category) informed me she was mostly in the "WTF?!" category. That may even have been her exact phrasing. :P~
So, not sure when the "Two Things" post will appear, but it will. It may lead off the next series of posts, or be dumped in the middle, or it may carry the end of it, but I plan to do a series of posts that will (I am hoping) more coherently chronicle the past few months, how the nature of the shadow work to be done revealed itself to me, the helpful *cough* steps along the way and where it ended (though it is not ended, damnit!). A lot of these posts will contain things already written about previously. I expect them to be laid out in a more sane manner with the perspective that "time passed" gives and less raw emotion vomiting over them obscuring their true nature. Or something.
I imagine they will be lengthy posts. I will cut them for the sake of the friends’ page here on the blogs. If I am unclear, out-of-order, or even merely appear to be – feel free to ask for clarification along the way. I know how my mind works and it is a messy thing indeed. I cannot expect everyone to easily follow the crooked path and many tangents. 🙂
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