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IP homework

Like all good homework it is both easy and hard.

Run the Iron Pentacle once per day. So, at the class "getting there" was not so hard when you have a good guide who helps with her energy. At home ~cough~ harder. The phone beeps, the dog licks, the cat looks pissed.

Anne said she usually does hers at night, right before sleep. I think this sounds great. Dark, quiet, warm in bed – perfect spot to run energy and rebalance. Last night I came home from working open to close, chatted up the hubster, popped online and answered some emails and posts, passed out in my chair. I rarely do this. Roused myself at 1 a.m. and crawled to bed and thought of running the IP and then fell back to sleep. Yes, I am *that* awesome.

So, bad idea waiting until bed. I did the IP this morning (see what a quick learner I am?) and will do again later in the day to make up for yesterday even though you cannot really make up a missed day of practice because it is like making up sleep. No true makeups.

So, once I settled in all grounded and start to focus and the dog is licking my hands, then my face, then lying on my legs and focus is difficult. I give it time however and give her time to settle and join me. If it doesn’t work I can go to another room. I refocus, and at some point she settles between my legs, but I’m not aware of exactly when.

Trying to run the energy is difficult at best. I’m too much in my head. I’m p u s h i n g. Pushpushpush, go, damnit, go. Yeah. Breathe, relax. I tell myself that pushing and trying to barrel through the blocks is really harder than it need be. Settle, relax more, and let the blocks melt away so the energy can just go. Let it run.

Finally, it walks. Eventually it trots. Running it around the circle point to point to point is more successful than running it up, down, across. For a second I think I’ll just focus on the "around". Going around the circle I’ve moved from trot to gallop and it is brighter. This serves only to show me the contrasting dimness of the "lines". So I start again to run the lines. Finally I feel it flowing smoothly (well, smoother anyway). It never brightens to the point of the circle, but it walks freely from sex to pride to self to power to passion to sex.

For reasons I cannot yet explain pride and passion want to flip sides. It is just a mental block. I tell myself to learn it the way I was just taught. I want to be consistent. I want to learn it that way because obviously part of me wants it another way, but I want the discipline and feeling of success of conquering the flipping. I know later with experience I can play with it how I choose. When I finally get the trickle to open to the point of "walking pace" everything is where it belongs without the forceful thinking. Yay!

I hope it stays that way.

Pulling myself back up out of it takes a little longer than I thought it would. When I am fully back in the room I sit up and see Sadie (dog) happily zoned out in the triangle space between my legs. I speak softly and pet her gently awake. She goes pretty quickly from settled and quiet to Yorkie puppypuppypuppy licking. lol

We’ll see how the second session later today goes.

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First Iron Pentacle class complete

It is good. And interesting. And I’m happy I waited for a teacher.

I know I can learn it on my own, but I know the tool will be much more quickly useful learning it this way and any questions I can bounce off of someone other than myself.

Touching base, in communion with others, tapping the energy with someone with a boatload of experience doing it ~ excellent.

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First Iron Pentacle class is today!

Leaving shortly and so excited! W00t!

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More than 4 years ago

Estara T’Shirai read, worked the exercises, and reviewed "Goddess Initiations" by

 

Francesca De Grandis. She gave it a decent nod, so I am starting it. It is a "takes a year" book and and is pulled from the tradition of The Third Road®. The book appears to make it "any user" friendly, perhaps a little too much.

I hope doing this and the Iron Pentacle workshops I’ll be attending will not be problematic, but if so the book can be set aside if need be.

I’ve been languishing since the death of my mum in late 2006. For the first year I was just barely able to tread water. The next 2 years were some flailing a lot of just keeping pace to not go under, some growth while moving and the boy graduating, and lots of other etc.’s added in. It’s time again to steer my life ship instead of being a passenger. After all, who better to be captain? 😉

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And so it was, the peoples’ rights trampled in Pittsburgh

With thanks to Garth for the heads up!

schmenjy

This remix was made using the prerecorded messages of riot police at the 2009 G-20 Summit in Pittsburgh, PA. Play it at your next kegger or whatever.

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The mom Song (I can hear myself in this)

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Someone on a forum asked if I had ever been to NYC

Yes, I have. Once. I just got to relive the memory and it was fun! I’m copying the post here, just so I have it for the future.
__________________________________________________________________________________

Once.  Seven or 8 years ago for a couple of days. My daughter was 18 or 19 and had to go to take some classes for a software program at her job and I went with her to be her "chaperone". Ha! We had a great time!

We got kinda lost walking back from Greenwich Village. We had to pretend we knew where we were going because it seemed we weren’t in the best of neighborhoods. People were looking at us cross-eyed as if they were wondering why the hell we were there and we thought announcing "tourist" was a bad idea, though I’m certain we may as well have had it stamped on our foreheads!

We ran for the ferry (we almost missed it!) to go to the Statue of Liberty, only to see her drifting farther away as we discovered we’d made a break for the wrong ferry and were on our way to Staten Island. hahahahaha Those two events were on the same day.

We managed the subway pretty well though we didn’t wander too far. We were staying in Manhattan so we felt we were pretty centrally located for what we wanted to see and do and where her classes were. Grand Central Station was lovely and we definitely did the tourist walk there – you know, looking up and around at everything except straight ahead where we were going!

Here in Pittsburgh you make eye contact with most anyone and say "hi". In NYC we got some strange looks, some "hi’s" back, and some glowers for speaking to them. We curtailled that habit after the first day. 🙂

Let’s see … part of her quest in NY was to find "the perfect tongue ring" and we hunted high and low for one, weaving all over the city, and ending in Chinatown where we found a piercing place that was between businesses and up a flight of stairs. When we got there we found the door locked and we swore, but then someone came up and knew the code to get in and we grabbed the door before it closed. Up the dark stairway we went and wondered at our sanity to go there, but we persisted up and found it behind a nondescript door.

Well, they had some piercing jewelry, but it turned out it was mainly for genitalia and nipples – that was their piercing specialty. Graphic photos of their work were hung all over the walls. That tweaked both of us to our maximum squick factor so we quickly inquired about tongue rings, got directions to another place, and high-tailed it out of there. I do not remember who told us about that place in Chinatown, but my guess is some New Yorker with a sense of humour. 😉 While we were running around Chinatown I got some nice items – a purse, a scarf, etc. and I was of course shocked at the inexpensive prices.

The other place we went she found the tongue ring she was looking for and even got a discount on the price because when the guy saw where we were from via her driver’s license it turned out he grew up around here. I love the tongue ring story!

We saw a play. I believe the title was "The Dinner Party" and it starred John Ritter and Henry Winkler and my daughter was thrilled to get to meet John Ritter afterward, shake his hand, and get her picture taken with him. We wandered around Times Square. 🙂 We ate well when we were there, though I don’t remember the name of any restuarants. Somewhere upstairs in the closet I have the ticket stubs from the play and the checks from the restuarants.

Since it was just a few days we didn’t get to hit all the museums I had wanted to, though one we did get to was Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum. I didn’t get to the Guggenheim or the Met and we’ve sworn someday to go to back so I can!

Two years ago today ~ emo post

Today is the 2nd anniversary of my mum’s death. I’ve been a wreck for 2 weeks and it started by feeling swallowed when an out-of-town friend called me and said they found cancer in her mom. I pushed it back for the length of the phone call, though I feel I was a bit too technical in discussing the options of treating the cancer as a way to not start bawling about my mum because you know – it is *her* mom we were talking about and her pain, and not mine. I didn’t want to make it about me, ya know?

Another dear friend is struggling with her mom’s cancer, too, and it has been extra rough for the both of them the last 2 months. I understand her pain.

I’ve not been posting much in any of my usual haunts. I’ve been bitchy at times when I have been posting. Mostly I’ve just been posting in very short sentences, or phrases even, trying to behave normally. And I’m not posting in these places about the pain I am feeling.

I was blindsided this year by the pain and grief. I was confused why it was so bad this year. Duh. Last year was the first year of my grief and it was so wracked with pain that the increase at the anniversary of her death felt a lot like just more of the same. This year I healed a lot. I began being able to move my focus outward again and enjoy, well, life. So when it hit me this year, it hit hard in comparison. And of course, last Tuesday was pretty horrible because it was the day I had signed my mum onto hospice. Technically she signed herself on, except she told *me* to sign the papers when she was sitting right there, papers on her lap, pen in hand. I don’t know exactly why, but I think it had something to do with "proving" I meant it when I said to her that if she was tired and the pain was too much and she just wanted to die then signing the papers was what she wanted. <—– She asked me. Or, it was too hard emotionally for her to do it herself. I loved her enough to do it for her. I’m sure I posted about it back around then. It still feels like I signed away her life. I KNOW. I didn’t. I know all the correct and proper things about that scene that I can still as clearly as if it were yesterday, but that one part of the feeling remains no matter how screwed up it is.

I expect it not to last too much longer, a waning until near Xmas.

I was gonna proofread for typos, but my eyes are blurred with tears now. Maybe later.

Comments off because I know you all luv me, but if you post your niceness it hurts more ’cause I’m a twisted bitch like that at times. Thanks for reading and caring.

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To remain mindful

As week after week goes by I think the Iraq war can become almost abstract to those w/o family or friends there. It is hard to maintain that level of emotion in one’s everyday life. This video is a gentle reminder that the troops are still there, sometimes hard to remember as we are caught up in our daily lives . Lyrics below the link.

Video

In the quiet misty morning
When the moon has gone to bed,
When the sparrows stop their singing
And the sky is clear and red.

When the summer’s ceased its gleaming,
When the corn is past its prime,
When adventure’s lost its meaning,
I’ll be homeward bound in time.

Bind me not to the pasture,
Chain me not to the plow.
Set me free to find my calling,
And I’ll return to you somehow.

If you find it’s me your missing,
If you’re hoping I’ll return.
To your thoughts I’ll soon be listening,
And in the road I’ll stop and turn.

Then the wind will set me racing
As my journey nears it’s end.
And the path I’ll be retracing
When I’m homeward bound again.

Bind me not to the pasture,
Chain me not to the plow.
Set me free to find my calling,
And I’ll return to you somehow.

In the quiet misty morning
When the moon has gone to bed,
When the sparrows stop their singing
I’ll be homeward bound again.

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The Original Privilege exercise behind the cut

Some things have been changed or eliminated in the blog meme. Computers and cell phones were in the original exercise and no-one had a home computer and cell phones didn’t exist when I was a kid/college age. But for fairness sake,

Step into Social Class

A Social Class Awareness Experience

Will Barratt, Meagan Cahill, Angie Carlen, Minnette Huck, Drew Lurker, Stacy Ploskonka

Indiana State University

© 2007

Introduction: An activity designed to help the participants gain awareness of the vast range of social class that exists within themselves and others.

Equipment:

A big room with space to move for all participants

Chairs to sit for discussion

Rules:

Pay attention to how you feel. Angry, sad, happy, winner, loser . . .

No talking – we will talk about this a lot when it is over

Line up here and take a step forward of about 1 (one) foot or one foot length

When you were in college:

If your father went to college, take a step forward.

If your father finished college

If your mother went to college

If your mother finished college

If you have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor.

If you were the same or higher class than your high school teachers

If you had a computer at home

If you had your own computer at home

If you had more than 50 books at home

If you had more than 500 books at home

If were read children’s books by a parent

If you ever had lessons of any kind

If you had more than two kinds of lessons

If the people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively

If you had a credit card with your name on it

If you have less than $5000 in student loans

If you have no student loans

If you went to a private high school

If you went to summer camp

If you had a private tutor

If you have been to Europe

If your family vacations involved staying at hotels

If all of your clothing has been new and bought at the mall

If your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them

If there was original art in your house

If you had a phone in your room

If you lived in a single family house

If your parent own their own house or apartment

If you had your own room

If you participated in an SAT/ACT prep course

If you had your own cell phone in High School

If you had your own TV in your room in High School

If you opened a mutual fund or IRA in High School or College

If you have ever flown anywhere on a commercial airline

If you ever went on a cruise with your family

If your parents took you to museums and art galleries

If you were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family.