The final class is today. We did power last week with another group trance. It is a weird thing ~ to go down but keep that verbal connection "up". We did go deeper, but it didn’t feel deeper until after we were back up and I was freezing cold. Again. It was interesting and good though. The other 2 seemed to be getting the same thing from the person we met down there, me – I got another ’cause that just seems to be how it goes. They were all about the nightingale in the cage that was there, too. Me?I observed the cage with the open door, the bird, and thought, "eh, no interest to me." ha! Mine was about focusing. First I was flitting around like the 4 y/o his first time out in the wild without tethers. But the old teacher looking guy literally forced me to focus on him and stop with the kid-like distractions.

So it is. I will be training with Pandora in her particular path of Reclaiming/Feri and it is good.

This also answers the question of what – 6-9 months ago – of "Gah! What does she want with me?" Oh nothing except apparently we are a sort of kin, known before and again. <—- That awareness was developing over the time, for me anyway.  Excited and also that level of .. fear is not quite the right word, but it will have to do as I’m not doing the clear thinking really well at the moment.

And oh – last class!! It was open, and we were going to run it for Pandora, but ditched that idea based on how the other classes have gone and she is going to touch on the Black Heart of Innocence! Yay!!

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The third point was passion. Most important part of that was visualizing our perfect day. That was lovely and continuing to do so became homework, not just for that week, but for this week, too. Puzzling out meanings, laughing at my perfect day having no *job* in it, but now looking for what my life’s work is/should be separate from a paycheck job. Anyway ~ passion was such a relief from the self point. :P~

This past Sunday was pride. We did a group trance where we went down together, but kept a piece of our consciousness audibly verbal so we could communicate at the top level along with staying connected at the trance level. It requires greater awareness and control then just allowing yourself to to be taken down by a guide and then you can go play as deeply as you wish knowing the guide will draw you back up.

So, not as deep as other times, but with practice will become so.

We dropped down, and turned to each direction and spoke what we saw. It was quite interesting and fascinating how as each person described what they saw the scene became more complete. We spoke something we were proud of at that moment. Then we danced. Ha! We went to our "corners" and focused on whatever we were doing, but periodically spoke to each other and described not only what we were ding, but what we saw the others doing. Oh, I didn’t see the one so clearly,she seemed far away or slightly shrouded from my view. Uncertain what that means and it could simply be my lack of experience with this type of trance.

One was dancing, one was writing, and I was first dancing with a small fire on the beach in the South. Oh me of West and water, how very amusing. Then it became a big fire in an also big cauldron and instead of dancing I was pulling the flames – tips of fingers to tips of flames – moving and manipulating them, commanding them actually. The flames were no longer truly fire, but flames of my personal power and I was easily commanding them without fear.

At one point I felt an intense pulling sensation in the middle of my forehead*. I refocused on the whole scene in the South from the spectato’rs viewpoint and saw it was no longer me with the flames, but some unknown man and he was an obvious intrusion. I wasn’t there. He was. And he was doing what I can only describe as a "neener-neener" dance with my power – the bastard.. The pulling sensation continued in my forehead like something was trying to get out (I think it was me trying to get out) until I transformed that unwelcome man back into me. Then my dance continued, weaving and puling and playing with my flames.

Then it was time to go ~ we took in whatever we discovered/found/acquired down there to bring back up with us. We left a gift.

I took the whole cauldron and put it inside of me where my uterus used to be. It was as if it had been just waiting to be placed there so perfect was the fit. It felt like it had waited a damn long time, too.

Like any good trance it is the gift that keeps on giving as time allows you to absorb the transformation set in motion during it. I can use some words to talk around it, to sorta get my meaning across – like finally feeling a level of comfortable with what is an endless well of personal power, of feeling more "whole and complete", of weeping with joy – and yet – those words barely touch the changes begun. Truly, ineffable.

*This weird ass pulling was actual pressure from the inside and as if someone was tugging on the skin of my forehead from the outside. It honestly frightened me at first because it was so physical in feeling I thought is was physical. And just for fun, prior to going down in trance the Goddesses chosen to be called by our teacher – Hecate and Cerridwen. As my driving to work yesterday morning the chant song for both pops into my head and I start singing it. *tug tug* on my forehead. Not scary, not so hard and insistent as in trance, more a gentle "ha ha, guess who was doin’ that". I rub my forehead to clear the feeling, a bit shocked at it. Being me I immediately denounce it, call it coincidence, scowl, and stubbornly begin to sing again certain this figment will not recur.  *tug tug*

Dayum …

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Going well. All aspects improving.

Another piece of the homework was to say yourself throughout the day "I dreamt I <insert something you actually had that day"… it is an exercise in altering reality. This is not hard for me, though the first few time is of  saying, "I dreamt I…." felt awkward. It was wonderful to use while waiting during the time the hubster had his colonoscopy. Tools, they are useful. 😉

Art homework – fire in firepit … what is more joyful and artistic than leaping flames?

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We do the work, we reap the benefits.

Crazy stuff going on at work, big changes, now maybe revoked, at the very least put on hold for about 10 days, perhaps on hold for 90 days, maybe forever.

We do the work, we reap the benefits.

So weary, not in the mood, scattered energy (yeah, duh, I know). So, I ran the IP.

Aaaahhhhhhhhhh …………

We do the Work.

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Fucking awesome. Really and truly. We discussed our week, our ease or lack thereof of running the IP. And our homework, both assignments. We ran the IP, talked about Self. Then we did a companion self trance. <—— this part was the fucking awesome. Deep and meaningful. The type of stuff that just lingers with you for the rest of the day. We talked about Fetches. And then learned a quick and dirty way to suck back in all the wandering pieces of ourselves if need be.

Did I mention the awesomeness? *grin*

We are not meeting next Sunday because of Samhain, but — homework — it is always with us. 😉

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So last night it took me awhile to settle and ground beforehand. Of course that is irritating so then it takes longer blah blah ha! Anyway, once settled it went more smoothly than previous times. I pulled from the sky to my center and up from the earth and "shot" the energy out from center to my limbs and head, then proceeded from there. That worked fairly well.

So today, I did my other stuff (not from the IP class) first, before running the IP, thinking that might help open channels for me. First I did the ritual from Goddess Initiations. The first month of work is fairly simple as far as completing it. The ritual is a double one and both are fairly quick. And it repeats week 3 and 4. The first week was no more than "don’t think about the word initiation". Seeing as how she is using the word so very differently than I do, this was not a problem :P~  This admonition remains for the following weeks of month one and may continue until the end of the 12th month, but I didn’t look ahead.

The first ritual began with identifying one "block" that keeps you from being the self you want to be, then sending it to your special healing star. It continued from there and was quite lovely. The second was Mother’s Milk and very loving to Self. These are the 2 that repeat for 2 more weeks.

Then I did another piece of IP homework, which was to engage in an "art hour". This originally was only assigned to the other woman and when I verified that was the case of course I was told to do it, too. No surprise as my teacher is a professor at a local university and you know how they are. *snicker*

So, on the East wall of my altar room leans my father’s easel. I grabbed a small dropcloth, opened the easel, choose a canvas, pulled out the acrylics and began. It will be a picture for the South wall. Right now it is no more than an orange, yellowish, slightly red though mostly orange background. The acrylics in my dad’s box only had a cadmium red light and I need blood red, too, to complete it. It felt so good to be mixing acrylics again. 🙂

I thought I knew where my acrylics were, as in which box I packed them in. Ha! Nope! I will hunt this week.

Then I did my IP exercise. Grounding was faster, and beginning was faster. It is coming along, small steps of progress with speed and brightness with each doing. Trying to run the circle while simultaneously running the lines is short-lived though before one parts quits or the other takes over, whichever way you choose to look at it. Improvement in focus or technique or openness or something or all I can see. Go me!

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Just a quick update to say "Yes, it is improving daily." Sleepy or would have details. Short version – nice warm glowy forehead today. Sweet! 🙂

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Better. Much better. Smoother, brighter, not so sluggish. Some things still dimmer, but not such a contrast. It takes longer to get there than I wish, but boohoo on me for lack of patience. :P~

I think when I do some other homework this part will obviously be easier because opening the channels in other ways.

So in a bit … pick one pick one pick one way that the right hand spoke. I think I hear Yemaya calling…

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