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Learning to be in right relationship with myself has been (and continues to be) a very interesting process. Holding my relationship to self in the center of my life can be downright uncomfortable.
It takes more work than I expected to not abandon myself to whim and desire.
I generally know which of my behaviors bring out the best in me and which are detrimental. I know which behaviors are risky for my relationship with self and which are less risky, which choices respect my boundaries instead of alienating them. Still, as is common with any relationship, I get the urge to cheat, cut corners, do what feels good in the moment instead of keeping to the long view. And yet…every time I stick it out and do what’s best for this relationship…well, that’s a magical act, and sometimes magic is uncomfortable. Love, a verb, begets loving, a creative act- and birth can be painful.
Still, I keep showing up, choosing to make “I love you” mean something. Showing up, every day, committed to self, committed to the essential core. It’s rooted. It’s radical.